I head into the coming week with trepidation…. One year...
My
emotions a roller coaster ride of extreme highs and lows. For some reason I continue to try to get a
grasp on them, instead of just letting myself feel them. Why? Old
habits die hard. I know I just have to go through this to the
other side. I
guess part of my fear is I’ll never actually reach the other side.
Another
part… that perhaps I already have…
As I hiked up to Lower Lake this morning I experienced a sense of joyousness and zest for life that I often find in nature. And while out there, I sent up prayers of gratitude for my ability to experience this joy. I understand that I can, and should, experience it… I believe he would want me to rejoice in the beauty, love and wonder all around me…
So
why is it I still feel at times like I’m betraying his memory? How do I reconcile my grief at his loss with
my love of life, the people in it and the health and happiness I am given? How do I find peace in the now?
So,
my journey continues ~ discovering the place within myself where I can both honor
his life and recognize the hardships and obstacles for what they are: steps to
greater self-knowledge and love.
