Ponderings... New Normal

I felt almost normal yesterday...

I was in my workshop and felt… comfortable… for the first time in months.  There were three distinct moments where I even found myself smiling.  Twice for songs I really love, and once because a tricky technique actually worked!

And, I was able to go running - outside!  I've had several days in fact, and it is so awesome!  I almost become a different person when I can run outside.  Or is it that I become a different person when I am unable to run?

We also had a gig this past weekend, and music always makes my life seem brighter.

These are all things that are a typical part of my daily life.  But I’m just now beginning to feel at ease again, like I don’t have to pretend I know what I should be doing or that it’s where I belong. 

Normal...

But, it’s different somehow.  There’s something there that wasn’t there before.  It’s like a weight, not heavy necessarily, but a weight nonetheless.  Or like a shadow, following me around everywhere I go.  I’ve heard people talk about this “differentness” before and never really understood what they were talking about.

I do now.

And I guess I've accepted that it has become a part of my new normal.

View from my run last Friday.