Ponderings...

I had a wonderful weekend, which, in a way, is hard to admit.  How could I enjoy what should have been my son’s 24th birthday?

Well, I did it by surrounding myself with people I love and respect; with people who love and respect me.  With my husband, who continues to amaze me with the extent of his love and caring.  With those who have shared with me their laughter, love and friendship, and who have been with me through sorrow and grief.  People who have no expectations of what my process will be or should be, but just let me go with the flow, and float along beside me.

There was music, wine and laughter; which happen to be three of my favorite things.  There were heartfelt discussions, shared meals, and new friends.

And, yes, there were tears too.  Tears shed for the loss of what could have been - my dreams of a future with my son.  But I also shed tears of gratitude.  I am grateful to be a birth mom who not only reunited with her son, but had started building a relationship.  I was lucky enough to have seen him grown into a compassionate and kind young man, who had an enormous impact of the lives of those around him.  

I am really so very lucky, and I am thankful.