Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Ponderings... New Normal

I felt almost normal yesterday...

I was in my workshop and felt… comfortable… for the first time in months.  There were three distinct moments where I even found myself smiling.  Twice for songs I really love, and once because a tricky technique actually worked!

And, I was able to go running - outside!  I've had several days in fact, and it is so awesome!  I almost become a different person when I can run outside.  Or is it that I become a different person when I am unable to run?

We also had a gig this past weekend, and music always makes my life seem brighter.

These are all things that are a typical part of my daily life.  But I’m just now beginning to feel at ease again, like I don’t have to pretend I know what I should be doing or that it’s where I belong. 


But, it’s different somehow.  There’s something there that wasn’t there before.  It’s like a weight, not heavy necessarily, but a weight nonetheless.  Or like a shadow, following me around everywhere I go.  I’ve heard people talk about this “differentness” before and never really understood what they were talking about.

I do now.

And I guess I've accepted that it has become a part of my new normal.

View from my run last Friday.


  1. I know this weight... I too feel it. Like a feeling of dread I can not shake. Its is as if I am in a sinking boat, scooping pails of water out. But no matter how many pails of water I throw out, I know I will eventually have to come to the conclusion I am going to sink.....

    1. Some days are certainly better than others, Shannon. You are in my thoughts as well.
      ~Wishing you peace.