I felt almost normal yesterday...
I was in my workshop and felt… comfortable… for the first time in months. There were three distinct moments where I even found myself smiling. Twice for songs I really love, and once because a tricky technique actually worked!
And, I was able to go running - outside! I've had several days in fact, and it is so awesome! I almost become a different person when I can run outside. Or is it that I become a different person when I am unable to run?
We also had a gig this past weekend, and music always makes my life seem brighter.
These are all things that are a typical part of my daily life. But I’m just now beginning to feel at ease again, like I don’t have to pretend I know what I should be doing or that it’s where I belong.
But, it’s different somehow. There’s something there that wasn’t there before. It’s like a weight, not heavy necessarily, but a weight nonetheless. Or like a shadow, following me around everywhere I go. I’ve heard people talk about this “differentness” before and never really understood what they were talking about.
I do now.
And I guess I've accepted that it has become a part of my new normal.
|View from my run last Friday.|