Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Don’t Wait... On Being A Birth Mom

I wish I’d said “yes” more often…  

I wish I’d shared him more.   I wish I’d claimed him – any time I could have.  Instead, when asked if I had children I sometimes said “no.”  Rather than have to explain...rather than break down in tears... I said no...

Why did I do that?  Oh, it makes me so disappointed and angry with myself!!!  I should have said “yes”, anytime I could have.  I should have said yes!  Yes!  YES!

My advice... don’t wait...

Don’t wait to see if the pain will fade to share your story.  Don’t wait until you feel stronger, or more secure or settled, don’t wait until you think you can – share your story now!  Reach out and be brave.   

Yes, be brave.  Again. 

Say “yes” whenever a stranger asks of you have children.  Don’t’ keep your child a secret, and don’t live in the dark.  If all you have to share is how old he is, share it.  Embrace it.  It is a part of who you are.  And no matter what you may want to believe, it’s a big part.  Allow yourself to feel the grief and pain of losing your child, and to let others see it.  Don’t be afraid to own your story.

And, hopefully, at some point along the way, you will also learn to celebrate what an amazing thing you’ve done.  What a beautiful being you’ve brought into this world.  You will learn that you can take ownership of your decision and accept it.  And realize that you can’t go back, but you can move forward.

1 comment:

  1. So beautiful, Candace. So true too. Makes me weepy because my children's birth-mothers are my heroes and I wish they could release the shame and secrecy they live in. I wish they could truly believe how courageous they are and what a gift they have been to me and to their children. Your words touched me deeply. I celebrate you and all birth-mothers.